I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
