and you said cock pushups were impossible
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
