i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Found the puke drawer
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
