I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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