I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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