I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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