He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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