Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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