I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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