there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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