I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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