when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
