About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
