dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
