ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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