i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
