TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
