Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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