I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
