call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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