And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
