Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
