Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
