Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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