Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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