but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
