but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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