pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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