fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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