I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
That's intense
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
