I have demons in me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
