I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
