I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
