all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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