Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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