I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
