i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The power of my boobs compel you
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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