So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
