I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How does one acquire holy water?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
