Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
