Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
