so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
