I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
