The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
