honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
