You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
