How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You may now shotgun with the bride
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
