He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
