I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
