I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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