i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
